


it comes and goes in waves (and carries us away)

by emilia_kaisa



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: 15DaysChallenge, Angst, Complicated Relationships, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Massage, Not Beta Read, Unresolved Tension, a lil bit of soft too, idk what this is, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-12 05:48:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20999987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: Javi wasn't sure what had happened, when his body started giving up on him. It was as if winning two world titles was some barrier, and now his own flesh and bones were trying to tell him that it was enough, that he should finally stop. Rest.It was tempting. It was so, so tempting, and some days Javi was so exhausted he dizzily imagined putting his skates away, leaving the competition forever.





	it comes and goes in waves (and carries us away)

**Author's Note:**

> Little thing I've written this morning, kind of messy but I actually like it? So I hope you'll like it too, just mind the tags and enjoy! :p  
Set in somewhere in 2016/2017 season.  
Title from 'Waves' by Dean Lewis.

Javi sighed deeply, keeping his eyes closed and trying to breathe steadily. His other senses seemed a bit sharper now, and he could clearly hear his own a bit too quick heartbeat and quiet buzzing of a lightbulb; but also pain in his left calf was even stronger now, like little needles of fire, merciless and sharp. 

Javi opened his eyes, but he didn't really want to move. He was tired, and it felt oddly comfortable, sitting on that hard bench in the changing room, head resting against a locker, not a soul in sight. 

Javi was glad to be alone now. He didn't need anyone to see his pathetic state right now; it was humiliating enough when Brian had stopped him in a middle of a practice, his eyes full of worry as he told Javi to go home earlier and get some rest. 

And Javi couldn't even argue with him, because he knew Brian was right, but it didn't mean he wasn't frustrated beyond belief, bitterness raising in his throat as he finally bend over to untie his skates. 

_ At least my fingers are cooperating _ he thought humorlessly, getting rid of the skates and putting them away. He knew he should change his clothes too, but he didn't have enough energy to do anything more than to roll up his pants, absently hoping that cool air filling the room would maybe soothe that hot aching of his muscles. 

Not such luck. 

Javi bit his lower lip, trying not to make any sound, but there were tears gathering slowly in the corners of his eyes, and Javi thought that he was exhausted of trying to keep himself together. 

Javi wasn't sure what had happened, when his body started giving up on him. It was as if winning two world titles was some barrier, and now his own organism was trying to tell him that it was enough, that he should finally stop. Rest. 

It was tempting. It was so, so tempting, and some days Javi was so exhausted he dizzily imagined putting his skates away, leaving the competition forever. 

But he couldn’t give up, not yet, not before the Olympics, not before he would try once more, one last time. So he had to survive, had to live through all the sleepless nights when his mind are body were aching, keeping him awake. He hated those moments, when he was dizzy with exhaustion and it felt like all past injuries were coming back to him, his body relieving every bruise and every broken bone. 

He blinked quickly, annoyed with his moment of weakness, and he was just gathering enough strength to move for real, when the door to the room opened and Javi realized that he was sitting there for much longer than he thought. 

"Oh." Yuzuru frowned, tilting his head in confusion "I thought you left early?" 

"Yeah. Just sitting here." Javi answered, knowing that his words didn't have much sense, but he was too tired for constructive conversations. 

And it wasn't like him and Yuzuru talked too much these days anyway. 

Two consecutive silvers had left an impact on Yuzuru, and he wasn't exactly the same person as before. Fierce as always, but even more determined, more quiet, smiling rarely. They were on good terms, still, but Javi couldn't help but notice that things were different. 

It was okay. They both had their demons they had to fight. 

"I guess I lost track of time." Javi said, trying to smile, his face heating up when he wondered if Yuzuru had overheard his talk with Brian before "I guess I will g-" 

"Javi." Yuzuru said quietly, stepping a bit closer, slowly, his eyes fixated on Javi's face "Are you okay?" 

"I'm fine." Javi said quickly "Don't worry." 

Yuzuru just shook his head, his gaze dropping lower, and Javi winced, feeling his muscles cramping, an awful, sharp pain that he still wasn't exactly used to, even after all of those years. 

Yuzuru shook his head again, his expression softening, and suddenly he was right in front of Javi, slowly sinking on his knees, and Javi's breathing hitched. 

"What-" he gulped, not realizing what was happening until he felt Yuzuru's soft hands on his left calf. His touch was careful but full of purpose, and Javi knew he could feel all the strain, all the weakness, and Javi was suddenly feeling terribly exposed and vulnerable, but he couldn’t move nor say anything. 

"Is this okay." Yuzuru murmured, not really a question, pressing a little bit harder, fingers massaging tight muscles precisely, slowly trying to ease the tension. 

It was bizarre, and it should be awkward, but it felt so good Javi only hummed quietly, his heartbeat speeding up a little bit and lips going a bit dry. 

It felt a bit surreal, like one of those dreams he would get after finally falling asleep at 3am, but after a few moments the pain started to ease a little, and the relief almost made Javi tear up. He got himself together, though, and looked at Yuzuru's concentrated face, at his long fingers that felt a little cool against Javi's skin, and his heart skipped a beat. 

"Thank you." Javi muttered, a bit embarrassed "You don't have-" 

Yuzuru looked up at him for a second, corners of his lips curling up in a small smile as he moved to Javi's right leg, and his eyes flickered with wonder. 

"What's that?" he asked curiously, one of his hands moving up and touching Javi's knee.

"That's… that's an old story." Javi said quietly and Yuzuru's expression changed for the briefest of moments, clouded with something like compassion and regret and understanding. 

And then he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Javi's skin, tracing that faint line Javi sometimes forgot existed. 

It lasted maybe three seconds, just a brief touch of lips, but when their eyes met again, everything seemed different than just a moment before. Yuzuru's eyes seemed darker, the air between him and Javi charged, cracking, and suddenly Javi was so aware of their position, of Yuzuru being so close, of his touch that was suddenly burning Javi's skin. 

It was as if he couldn't really control his body when he reached out to touch Yuzuru’s cheek, marveling at the softness under his palm, and he wondered if they were ever going to talk about what just happened, and about that thing between them that they never dared to touch. 

Probably not.

Yuzuru’s expression was calm, but his eyes were gentle and vulnerable as he leaned into Javi’s touch for a moment, his eyelids fluttering, a quiet gasp escaping his parted lips. And then he stood up, quickly, his face morphing into that mask he was wearing for the past months, polite and a little bit distant. 

“You need rest.” he said, giving Javi a slight smile that didn’t exactly reach his eyes “And eat chocolate. It helps.”

And before Javi could open his mouth and say something, anything, say _ thank you _ or _ wait, please, _Yuzuru disappeared in the showers, his footsteps faster than really it was really needed. It felt as if he was running away, running away from Javi and that spark still cracking in the air, filling the room. And when Javi forced his body to move, collecting his stuff and leaving without looking back, it felt like running away too. 

**Author's Note:**

> Like it? Hate it? Don't hesitate to tell me in the comments and thank you so much for reading!


End file.
